I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize