my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
