You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Mom said you looked used
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
