i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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