Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
