so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
