If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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