My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
