I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
