Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
