I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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