I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
