guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
