it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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