In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
