she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dicks are not precious.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
