I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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