Cold hands, warm shart.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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