3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
