I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
