So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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