6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
