How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
