Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
