very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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