I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
