He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
