If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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