Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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