I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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