I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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