Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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