he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish you could order shots online.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
