I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
