yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
