apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
