apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
