we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
