if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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