Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
