Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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