i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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