I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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