My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
