Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
