My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
