tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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