Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We are two peas in an std pod
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
