I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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