Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
