Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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