i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
