i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
