a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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