well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
