Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
