He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
