I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
