Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
