I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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