And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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