Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
