I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
