Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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