hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
