I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
