My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
