Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just cropdusted the office
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
