We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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