is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
