Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
