Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
