Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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