Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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