When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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