Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
