Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
