He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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