Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i will never coherently bang her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
