May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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