I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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