just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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