I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
