can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
