I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
