i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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