Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
